I have 3 golden retrievers, Smuckers, Barzini and Clemenza. Barzini was the mother hen to the other two. She was the leader of the pack, besides me. She was amazing. We got her from the same breeder at our first golden, Smuckers. The day we went to the breeder to see which female we would get, she just sat there looking at me, while the other female went over to the other family and she wanted no part of them. Just kept looking at me. She was the runt of the litter they told us. She was 6 weeks old, the breeder was going to have knee surgery and they had to leave their mom 2 weeks earlier than normal. We took her home that day. She was so small and took immediately to our other golden, a male. One year later we got our third golden, come to find out he was from a puppy mill in south. People bought the litter of puppies to sell them for money. They all got along and Barzini became the canine mom, while I was there human mom.

The three of them took over our lives, sleeping on the bed, becoming the three 4 legged children. So when people asked how many children I had I would say I have three 2 legged and three 4 legged children, 3 boys and 3 girls and thats the way they were treated.

Over the years Barzini had a few health issues, nothing life threatening and always bounced back quickly.
In January of 2011, I noticed that she had a tiny tiny bit of red in her sleepy eye discharge. When I took her to the vet the next day, they said she may have optical melanoma and her eye would have to be removed unless we wanted to try the laser surgery. We were going to treat it with steroids for 1 week to reduce the inflammation and then return to the vet for another examination. This was Tuesday, January 18th on Sunday, January 23rd, she couldn't walk, she wouldn't eat, she was breathing funny and her gums were white.

I rushed her to the emergency hospital, my husband met me there and they told us that she had a tumor on her spleen that ruptured and she was bleeding internally. Her chances of making it through surgery were very slim.

I had made a pack with her when we first thought she had optical melanoma that I would not let her suffer, she didn't deserve it and I would make her as comfortable as possible and be there for her.

January 23rd was the worst day of my life, I lost my best friend, she took a piece of me with her that day and I can still see the whole day in my mind and feel it in my heart. It hurts so much to have watched that happen to her. She was brave, never complained or made a sound through any of it. She just looked at me with those big brown eyes and I looked at her with mine. My husband and I were there with her when she passed. I was and still am devastated by her passing.

We had her cremated and she is home with us now. My life will never be the same without her. She gave me unconditional love and I will give her eternal love. She will be buried with me when I die, as will the others when they pass.

Making the best decision for your canine companion isn't always the easiest but remember make the decision that is best for them and not for you. Remember they can't talk and may never express the pain they are feeling and in the end would you want them to suffer or pass peacefully. It's the hardest decision you will ever have to make, I know it was for me, but they don't deserve to suffer. Just love them the best you can until the end and know they will always be in your heart and mind.